Why People Engage in Bondage

When the majority of people think of "bondage" they combine it with "sex".  For most people who are into "Bondage", there is a strong sexual component.  But not always.  Bondage is not always about sex.  A poll taken by "Men's Health" magazine in 2012 revealed that 50% of men liked to be tied up.  Wow!  Talk about the elephant in the room! Those who are into bondage may not actually be in the minority if everyone was honest about their feelings.  Below are several reasons why people engage in bondage that I have found from my research on this.  Most people don't engage in it for all of these reasons, but have a combination of some of them that they are wired for. 

1. Relationship oriented bondage where there is a huge imbalance of power. A lot of trust is involved in the power exchange and the subordinate enjoys giving up all of the power to the dominant. The subordinate submits fully to pain, degradation, whatever the dominant inflicts. Master slave relationships are most often loving relationships from my observations. The Slave desires to serve and be the property of his Master. The Master wants to take care of his property and keep his slave happy and fulfilled. Certainly, like any relationships, there are a few unhealthy ones just as there are in the "vanilla" world. 

2. Thrill seeking: The bondage gives the captive a feeling of being in peril and it results in an adrenaline rush. Skydivers, mountain climbers and race car drivers have similar if not the same motivation for engaging in their sports. Most people into bondage have engaged in self bondage where they restrain themselves and no one else is involved, it is not relationship based. (It may be in the fantasy as they act out in some cases though)

3. Sexual feelings: The bondage gives both the captive and the dominant sexual stimulation. I would guess that over 95% of those who engage in bondage get aroused by it. Many people are not able to attain a full orgasm without using bondage props in their foreplay. 

4. Relaxation: Certain forms of comfortable, yet restrictive bondage where there is deprivation of the senses can cause a deep feeling of relaxation and euphoria. For some people 15 minutes of restrictive bondage is equal to a couple hours of sleep. This sometimes makes you feel a spiritual type feeling.

5. Endurance: Part of doing bondage for some of us is trying to endure pain, stress, or long periods of bondage to see how much we can take, but more important, to get to a point where we can endure the pain and reach new levels of consciousness.

6. Punishment: There is a turn on for many to be punished and abused. This is not always about a relationship based on love. In fact, it could be quite a different kind of relationship, but trust is still involved usually. I am not sure what this is about, but most of those who are involved in this kind of play or fantasy are normal people. It may be an extension of the thrill seeking and adrenaline rush. It also can help pull out certain emotions that may be difficult to get to. 

7. Tactile sensation: The feeling of certain objects against the body with various levels of pressure gives different feelings. For example: Being mummified feels like a big hug all around the body. There is a sensation of safety to it for me. This may go back to childhood or even to the womb. I like the feeling of rope, metal, and other restraints against the bare skin. There seems to be a different form of comfort for people who are into bondage.

8. Experiencing the good versus the bad. There is an old adage that you cannot really experience good, or comfort, without experiencing the bad, or discomfort. When released from a severe and uncomfortable or oppressive bondage, it really feels good to get into my own bed and feel the comfort and compare it. If you lose your freedom and rights for a period of time, you may appreciate them better when you are free again. 

9. Escape: Role plays and being bound are a way to escape from reality and be someone who you are not, perhaps someone more daring or a rebel. 

10: Freedom: Bondage can free the mind from worries. If you are trapped in a small space, there is nothing you can do about those things that need to be done. You are being forced from being able to do them. It gives a care free feeling. It frees you from having to think and make choices

11: The feeling of being more masculine (or in women’s case) being more feminine as a result of the bondage. I feel very masculine when I am held in heavy chains or handcuffs. I think it looks cool.   

12: Attention seeking: When you are being restrained, you get a lot of attention from the Dominant or those who are capturing you; getting that attention feels good. If great pains are being made to keep me from being able to escape because I am considered an escape risk, I feel more important. Some people enjoy doing some form of bondage in public; it may just be a leather collar or small chain and lock. 

13. Seeking out higher levels of "spirituality" or self discoveries.  The native Americans and many of the Asian cultures practiced bondage and masochism in an attempt to feel "spiritual"  In 2012 I was able to get my mind to have a "going into the light" experience that was the same as "near death" experiences.  I was not near death, but simply restrained comfortably like a mummy and was quite safe.  Many people talk about having "out of body" experiences.  I have felt this as well a few times too.

14. Play. Bondage, particularly those that involve role plays are an extension of the playing and make believe we did as children. As adults it is enjoyable and fun to continue to play. I have noticed that nearly every drug store carries plastic or metal toy handcuffs for children to play with.  Children love handcuffs.  They love to play "cops and robbers".  Well guess what, some of us adults still like to play cops and robbers.  I emphasize "play".  Just because you are pretending to be something in play does not mean that it is what you want to be in real life.  

(Note:  by mentioning children playing with handcuffs I do not infer that I think that children should be encouraged to engage in "sexual" bondage.  And certainly no adult should engage a child in anything sexual in nature as it is wrong and against the law as well.  But just playing with handcuffs or children playing cowboys and Indians as they tie each other up is just simple child's play that is perfectly normal behavior for children.)

If you do "bondage" are you sick or mentally ill?  The answer is, probably not.  Most people who engage in it are quite normal and adjusted people.  Sure there are a few that are mentally ill, not any more than in the main stream world.  In fact, studies have found that the majority of people who do bondage are actually slightly less prone to depression and are a little bit happier percentage wise.  Bondage usually becomes a problem for people who are not accepting themselves as they are.  They are not allowing themselves to be themselves and do what makes them feel good.  Not accepting yourself is not a mental illness either, it is a problem that needs to be solved, but certainly no illness.  So do what is best for you. Be safe, sane, and legal.