Do you feel guilty that you have desires to be tied up or to tie up someone else?

Do you feel distressed that you are attracted to the same sex?

I am not a therapist, but I have been around the block a few  times and I can tell you why you feel guilty and why you feel distressed about your sexuality. You feel guilty or distressed about your sexuality because you were raised in a society that does not generally accept those who are minorities when it comes to sexual interests.

How do you remove the feeling of distress and guilt about your sexuality? First you have to do the research on the internet to find out that you are normal. Do not look at what priests or the main stream Christian right say. You need to research the science. The science says that homosexuality is normal. Being kinky and interested in bondage and other safe kinks is also normal as long as you are keeping your life in balance and engaging in it with adults who also agree to do it.

Different religious and social groups have varied moral codes. These are their codes of conduct. As long as you are not hurting anyone and abiding by the law, you are not bound by the moral codes of various groups. If your moral code that you have chosen to live with says that homosexuality or engaging in bondage is wrong or sinful, then you will feel guilt and shame for being who you are. In psychology they call that, "Being in a bind".

So then you need to make a choice. You can go ahead and feel the guilt and unhappiness that the social group that you are associated with thrusts upon you, or you can choose to do some hard research on that church, organization, or social group that has the moral code that is making you feel guilty. If your hard research on that group shows strong evidence that they are selling you a false man made morality, then you have another choice to make. Do you stay aligned with that group anyway because of tradition and your comfort zone with friends and such, or do you turn away from the false organization to chart a new direction in your life?

If you find out that the society or religion that you are involved with is wrong on the issues of homosexuality or bondage that troubles you, and if you find out that science really does show that you are normal, then your guilt and distress about it will all go away (unless your involvement in your behavior is excessive to the point where it is interfering with other aspects of your life.)

If you stay aligned with the group that has the morality that you no longer agree with, you will have to deal with the clash of ideology between you and that group. This will be a point of stress and distress in your life. You will have to decide if it is worth it for you. If you sever the ties with your former group and ideology, then you will not feel guilt about your sexuality, and you will feel very liberated. But you will still face the prejudice and bias of the main stream majority who are clueless as to anything that they do not experience themselves.

You will need a support group of peers with common interests. If you are gay, you will need to socialize with other gay men. If you are interested in bondage, reach out to others who share the same interests. There are many Churches that are accepting of of homosexuals today. I believe that having a spiritual connection and some kind of religious connection with others is healthy and part of our needs as humans. So don't be too quick to throw out all religion.  

No matter what you decide to do, you will have a tougher life than those who are heterosexual and "vanilla" (not kinky). You are part of a minority. Only ten percent or so of the population is homosexual. Less than half of the population is kinky. People who are prejudice are narrow minded and cruel. They band together and bully those who they do not understand. You will need to be prepared for that.

Along with other friends who are also kinky and homosexual, I welcome you to our fellowship of men and women who have common interests. Remember that you are not alone. Even though we are a minority, there are lots of us. Thousands, and probably millions. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. It may mean getting out of your comfort zone. Put in the work and effort and you will find a happier life. My message to you is to live well, be a good citizen, help other people, volunteer in your community. Show the bullies and bigots out there that you are a good and decent person by your actions. A wise minister recently told me, "Prove them wrong".