A Warning: Fantasy Versus Reality

Mirriam Webster Dictionary Definition of Fantasy:  Something that is produced by the imagination: An idea or something that is far removed from normal reality.

A while ago I had someone who I had taken in to my home because he had lost his job, had been divorced by his wife, and had lost all of his assets. I had met him through a mutual friend and he was really into bondage. I felt sorry for him and hoped to help him for a while so that he could get back on his feet.  He moved in and for eight months I supported him as I waited for him to go find a job and get himself back onto his own two feet. However, I discovered that he was living in a fantasy world. He wasn’t going to get a job, and I was destined to be stuck taking care of him the rest of his life.

He spent the majority of his waking hours on a website called “Fetlife”. This website is a good hook up site and place to share for people with all kinds of fetishes. The problem for him was it became his religion. He considered it his life work to go onto Fetlife and look at as many bondage pictures of women tied up or being tortured and make positive comments to help support and encourage the kinky community. He became obsessed with his penis and chastity to the point of writing long and detailed sickening articles about his penis and the women who kept the keys to his chastity device.

He fantasized about what the world was really like and his world of conspiracy theories and paranoia became nothing that resembled reality. He became convinced that many of the fantasies presented on my websites were actually real. This ended up badly when he actually tried to make some of it real by trying to start a bondage and sex business in my home with a dominatrix. I locked him out of my dungeon space when I discovered what he was doing. In his anger he went to the city and told them that I was planning to run what he was fantasizing about. Apparently this was not the first time he made things up out of anger and spite. He had previously contacted the city of Anaheim about a bondage play space in that city and succeeded in getting them down because they wouldn't let him be in a video there with another website. I think he was so deep into his world of fantasies that he totally believed them. He had crossed a line from reality to fantasy. His life had become a lie.

I have long since sold my home and moved to another state. I don’t know what became of him, but I am afraid that he has sunk so deeply into his fantasy world that it will take major therapy to help him. I hope he seeks help, but doubt that he will because in his state of mind he doesn’t see that he has a problem. It has become a psychosis.

I tell you this story to give a warning about fantasy versus reality. Because I run a fantasy website, I have been running into quite a few people who are much like my friend who sank into a fantasy world that he cannot escape from. The fantasy of bondage and kinky play is lots of fun. But without a balance in life, it can fill in your whole life if you are not careful. Accept who you are and what you like. But understand the difference between fantasy and reality. If you are too focused on any one thing there is a danger of you slipping into an addictive behavior that could lead you down the path of fantasy and psychosis. Don't get lost into a fantasy world. If you are going to fantasy websites such as mine and believing everything you read and see as real, you probably need to get some psychological help.